Let's talk about sex and sneeze wee!
(This is a sponsored post, but you know me well enough by now to know that the blog will be full of good advice and that this particular brand, TENA Women, is doing a grand job de-stigmatizing the stereotypes around sex and incontinence - and you know how much I hate stereotypes when it comes to us older women!)
Confidence personified! A still taken from the new TENA TV Ad.
You know that no subject is off-limits when it comes to sharing my views on positive ageing So, talking about incontinence and sex is something I’ve never shied away from before or now. In fact, I’ll be sharing my own personal story here that I have rarely shared publicly before so if there’s a man peering over your shoulder, please send him away!
It’s a pleasure to be in partnership with TENA Women because they’re encouraging us to break the silence around incontinence and sex by producing the most amazing new TV ad called #Ageless. This campaign features women our age talking about both sex and incontinence on camera for the first time ever in the UK! I just love the lady calling her incontinence “sneeze wee.”
TENA Women collaborated with Yorgos Lanthimos, director of ‘The Favourite’, so I hope won’t disappoint….. iI think t’s tasteful, it’s arty and it’s empowering. But not everyone agrees! I’d love to hear what you think of it so do leave a comment in the box below.
INCONTINENCE
Much like the film, The Favourite, this inspiring commercial it has received very mixed reviews, but at least we’re now talking about sex and incontinence!
Now on to the stats showing how differently women feel about these taboos:
TENA researched the disparities between perceptions of ageing, intimacy, and incontinence from a young female audience (18-34-years old) against the real stories of women with incontinence over 50 years old. The results are fascinating……
44% of young women think that bladder leakage will negatively affect their sex life BUT only 10% of women over 50 say that it has affected their nooky! No surprise there, we are often at our most confident and productive stage of our lives over fifty - I know I am!
But first, let’s look at the different types of incontinence because it really isn’t something that only older women suffer from. The NHS estimates that between 3 and 6 million people in the UK have some degree of urinary incontinence, often coming on after childbirth.
The prettiest loos to practise those bladder tightening exercises in!
TYPES OF INCONTINENCE
STRESS URINARY INCONTINENCE:: urine leaks when you sneeze, cough, laugh or strain. Very common in women after childbirth when their pelvic floor muscles have weakened.
MIXED URINARY INCONTINENCE: the same as stress incontinence with the added aggravation of needing to wee urgently.
URGE URINARY INCONTINENCE: leakage of urine shortly after a very intense need to wee, usually occurs after the age of 60 but happened to me a lot earlier!
OVERACTIVE BLADDER: a frequent & urgent need to empty your bladder, when it isn't full. I think I've suffered from this all my life putting it down to having a small bladder. But my doctor helped and, thanks to her, I've trained my bladder well. Advice coming up.
WHAT TO DO
Incontinence is something we can live with….. whether you’re leaking during sex, you can't wait till you get to the loo, or you leak when you exercise, laugh or sneeze, whatever causes those little dribbles, or worse, I hope the following will help you.
As you’ve seen, I have always had a weak bladder but for some reason, it’s really bad if I need to wee and am trying to open the front door after being outside in the cold! I barely make it to the loo. Anyone else? But my female doctor gave me the best advice ever and it has really helped me………
Every time you go to the loo, tense your pelvic muscles and stop the flow of urine for a few seconds, mid-stream, before allowing it to flow again. You can even practise tightening your pelvic muscles standing at the bus stop or in a queue. She also told me to stop obeying my urge incontinence by waiting & ignoring the need to pee. You can train your mind & therefore your bladder. This suggestion has worked really well for me (as I sit writing away needing to go to the loo!).
Doing my pelvic floor exercises in a yoga class! Credit: Lynda Kelly, Finding Grace Photography.
PELVIC FLOOR EXERCISES
Pelvic floor muscle exercises are also one of the first things to try as they strengthen and re-train the pelvic floor and sphincter muscles. Your doctor, a physiotherapist, pilates or yoga teacher, or a fitness instructor, will be able to teach you how to do them properly. In fact, according to a study published in The Science Daily, researchers found patients who completed at least five pelvic floor therapy sessions reported an average of 80% improvement in urinary incontinence. So first step, see an expert.
LIFESTYLE CHANGES
LOSE WEIGHT: excessive weight will add pressure to the bladder.
STOP SMOKING: I don't know why this would help, but we shouldn't be doing it anyway!
LIMIT CAFFEINE & ALCOHOL: the best advice I have ever been given as to why coffee and alcohol should be cut down was given to me by a gynaecologist who explained that both are as irritating to an unstable bladder as cactus spikes!
I love a cup of coffee but my bladder doesn’t!
AVOID OR CUT DOWN: fizzy drinks, sugar & fruit juice. They can all irritate your bladder but…….
DON'T SKIMP ON YOUR WATER INTAKE: as it's essential for your kidneys to function properly and doesn't act as either a diuretic or a cactus spike. Your bladder will get used to it, but make sure the water is body temperature and not too cold.
VITAMIN D: make sure you get that 15 minutes in the sun, if you're not taking Vitamin D as a supplement. According to a 2010 study published in Obstetrics and Gynaecology, women with higher levels of vitamin D had a lower risk of developing pelvic floor disorders, including urinary incontinence.
Finally, take MAGNESIUM as a supplement. It's important for muscle relaxation (and every cell in your body) so if you suffer from leg cramps at night, you probably need it. It may help to reduce bladder muscle spasms and emptying the bladder. But regardless of whether it does or not, it's so important for women, and men, that I've written a whole blog on it here: The Mother of all Minerals. You might also like to get into Epsom Salt Baths, for both relaxing muscles and getting more magnesium into your bloodstream via your skin.
I love an epsom salt bath!
I do hope some of my suggestions help but please see your doctor or another medical professional if you experience long term bladder weakness.
And do get rid of all thoughts that incontinence will stop you from living your best life! Own it and don’t let it stop you enjoying your sex life, talking of which……..
SEX
When I was young, I thought I was going to have sex regularly and forever. After all, we’ve all heard about or know people in their 70s and 80s still enjoying a healthy sex life! (You might be one of them!). We’re a confident lot when it comes to sex: according to TENA’s research, 70% of older women feel more experienced, more confident speaking their minds (66%) and wiser (59%) than when they were younger. That has to mean confidence in the bedroom!
MY STORY
However, my sex life took a huge spiral downwards when I got into my 60s: my, up to then, very healthy libido completely disappeared and my nether regions kept getting sore and uncomfortable. I finally went to see my female doctor again - (why on earth would I go to a male doctor who wouldn’t have the first clue as to how a woman feels) - she had a dig around and pronounced that I had ‘an atrophied vagina’! You’re allowed to laugh, all my girlfriends did!
But, it has a happy ending. My doctor put me on a very small dose of oestrogen pessaries and all improved down there. But I still didn’t have my libido back so took myself off to a hormone Dr. to get them all tested (not something offered on the NHS.) The results were that I was also extremely low in testosterone. I am glad to report that just three months on I’ve been able to have my first cervical examination in ages, my irritations have disappeared AND I re-discovered my libido on holiday! And I haven’t sprouted hair or spots by using testosterone either!
I hope that this little bit of sharing helps you if you are suffering from a similar problem. Another taboo we rarely talk about, even with our girlfriends. It’s worth adding that my doctor also said that low oestrogen levels and a lack of regular sex with a partner were partly to blame for my dryness. So keep things nicely oiled down there girls and keep having sex!
Prioritize the passion and take action if you are not getting sorted out by your local GP. It’s well known that people who have frequent sex lives live longer than those who don’t. Sex lowers cholesterol, boosts blood circulation and releases feel-good endorphins. There’s even evidence that frequent ejaculations reduce men’s risk of prostate cancer by a third. Having sex with your partner, or on your own, keeps you looking young. Use it or lose it!
Sex on your own or with a partner - it keeps you young!
I hope that both my personal stories, the research and the #Ageless campaign produced by TENA have made you feel more empowered and that it’s de-stigmatized the stereotypes around both incontinence and sex. We should celebrate our confidence and refuse to be ashamed of our bodies. And we certainly don’t want to be defined by society’s perceptions of ageing! The reality is that women our age are living enriched and fruitful lives and incontinence doesn’t have to change this.
Meanwhile, I would love to hear your stories about leaky bladders, dry vaginas, your wonderful sex life or anything else you dare share here. Yes, our bodies change, but why should we? We know who we are and what we want, I still go to festivals and act like someone half my age, despite my weak bladder, so join me by regularly saying ‘I Will Be Me’ and staying vibrant, confident and Ageless!
Ready to rock!
